Artistic Photo #12

Citroen 2CV in Rome, Italy (Taken on August 11, 2015)

Car Lyric of the Week: Can't Tell Me Nothing and Mercy by Kanye West

     Can't Tell Me Nothing:

     "Let up the suicide doors
     This is my life homie, you decide yours"

     Mercy:

     "Let the suicide doors up
     I threw suicides on the tour bus
     I threw suicides on the private jet
     You know what that mean, I'm fly to death"










     On the defiant, yet introspective "Can't Tell Me Nothing," Kanye calls out the haters while reflecting on the consequences of wealth and fame. However, Yeezy also makes a small blunder: he mistakes scissor doors for suicide doors. Suicide doors are hinged at the rear and open backwards, and can be found on modern Rolls-Royces. Scissor doors are what Ye actually meant to rap about, as these open vertically, and these expensive contraptions have been made famous by Lamborghini. This is an excusable mistake on West's part, but unfortunately he made the exact same error five years later. On "Mercy," a Lamborghini Murcielago-dedicated banger off his collaboration album Cruel Summer, Kanye yet again messes up. Making the mistake once is understandable, but the fact that he spits essentially the same line five years later makes me wonder if no one told him he was wrong in the first place in fear of bruising his sensitive ego.

Suicide doors on a Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe at the 2015 New York Auto Show

Scissor doors on a Lamborghini Murcielgao at the 2015 New York Auto Show

BMW E24 6 Series

1987 BMW L6 in Baruch Houses in the Lower East Side, New York, New York 

In 2004, BMW resurrected the 6 Series nameplate on a slinky coupe which was adapted from the Z9 Concept. Designed when Chris Bangle was BMW's chief of design, the 6 Series' controversial exterior featured a bulbous rear end, squinty, upturned headlights, and snout-like grille. While certainly striking, the reborn E63 6 Series wasn't reminiscent of the aggressively handsome original. Introduced for the 1977 model year, the E24 6 Series replaced the CS coupe (which had spawned the legendary 3.0 CSL), and with its "shark-nose" styling the E24 is an imposing presence.

The 6 Series's good looks are entirely due to the front-end styling. The sharp forward-leaning grille and headlights give the impression that the BMW is charging forward, slicing through the air. This windswept look gives the coupe visual speed and a healthy dose of attitude. Like all '70s and '80s Bimmers, the twin headlights are integrated into black rectangular vents. However, this element looks best on the E24 due to the extremely skinny kidney grille that separates the vents. This causes the 6 Series to look wider than its BMW brethren, even though the width is similar to the 5 Series and far less than the 7 Series of the time.

A thin rectangular hood bulge that rises out of the kidney grille gives the car a powerful appearance. BMW was able to minimize the visual damage of the strict U.S. demands for bumpers by topping them off with chrome. The 6 Series features a subtle beltine, a light crease that flows from the headlights to the taillights uninterrupted. Around back, things are kept simple, with bland, blocky taillights outlined in chrome. The twin tailpipes peek from underneath the bumper, hinting at the 215 horses under the hood. Overall, while the rear fascia is a bit ordinary, the dramatic shark-nose front makes the 6 Series a handsome grand tourer.

Grade
Front: A
Back: B
Overall: A-

Artistic Photo #11

1967 Plymouth Fury taxi on Rivington Street in New York, New York (Taken on October 23, 2015)

Comuta-Car

1981 Comuta-car at LeMay-America's Car Museum in Tacoma, Washington

Until 2011, this tin can surprisingly held the record for the most road-legal electric cars sold in post-war U.S. with 4,444 units shifted. Known as the CitiCar, and later the Comuta-Car when the design was purchased by Commuter Vehicles in 1979, this trapezoidal hatchback was powered by a measly electric motor that had a decent range of 40 miles. This alternative powertrain was provoked by the 1973 oil crisis, when gas prices surged and many stations experienced fuel droughts due to an embargo by the member countries of the Organization of Arab Petroleum Exporting Countries. While the Comuta-Car's historical significance is intriguing, its design, especially those of the early 1980's models seen here, is overwhelmingly repulsive.

1981 Comuta-car at LeMay-America's Car Museum in Tacoma, Washington

The poor exterior begins simply with the basic shape, which appears to have been designed with a ruler. The hood and windshield angle backwards away from the protruding bumper at a straight incline, before meeting the flat near-square roof. This almost vertically extends downwards out the back and sides, essentially creating a metal box. However, there have been attractive box design before like the spunky, and relatively popular, first generation Scion xB (R.I.P. 2003-2016) and the Nissan Cube. Yet the Comuta-Car's few exterior doodads just make it an even more hideous beast.

The most glaring offenders are the oversized bumpers. These massive plastic appendages hang off either end of the car and were added to meet more stringent safety regulations. (Further safety requirements would prove to be the demise of the small company.) While all U.S. market cars between 1973 and 1982 suffered from these bulbous bumpers, they look significantly larger, and therefore worse, on the Comuta-Car because it is so short to begin with.

Moving back, the hood features one of the other prominent design flaws. Rising out of the flat bonnet is a rectangular bulge, which does not appear to be functional. This protrusion is a pointless, odd-looking, and not very aerodynamic addition, disrupting what would have otherwise been a smooth hood. The roof, which appears to be vinyl, is also unattractive, making the car look cheaper. Vinyl roofs are also very prone to sun damage and tend to fade, crack, and peel.

1980 Comuta-car at The Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, Michigan

The bumpers, hood bulge, and vinyl roof all make the Comuta-car look insanely cheap, but what puts the bolt in the coffin are the visible bolts holding the car together. If you look along the sides of the hood and down the rear of the car, you can see where the different metal sheets were fastened together, which makes the car look unsafe, as if it's all about to fall apart into hundreds of little pieces. The car's one saving grace is the wacky paintjob, while consists of very '70s stripes and the lowercase word "electric." Other than these laughable but cool decals, the Comuta-car is a truly ugly car, even when compared to the myriad of unattractive cars from the design dark ages that were the late 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s.

Grade
Front: F
Rear: F
Overall: F

Car Lyric of the Week: Untouchable by Pusha T

"The Rolls-Royce playing peek-a-boo with the emblem"

In this ferocious track off his latest EP, Darkest Before the Dawn: The Prelude, Pusha T spits about becoming the president of G.O.O.D. Music, a record label started by Kanye West, and his tracks being featured in film scores. He also boasts about his Rolls-Royce, which appears to be a Ghost judging by the music video. In a 2013 interview with Complex, Pusha T mentioned that his dream car was a Rolls, and it seems like the success from his debut solo album, My Name is My Name, and his most recent project, has made the dream come true. This clever line refers to the Spirit of Ecstasy, Rolls' famous hood ornament, and its ability to retract into the ostentatious chrome grille. Pusha T puts an interesting twist on this neat trick by comparing it to a game of peek-a-boo, creating one of my favorite lines of the album, let alone the song.

Spirit of Ecstasy on a 1979 Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow II in Brooklyn, New York

This video shows the retracting Spirit of Ecstasy found on modern Rolls-Royces.

Artistic Photo #10

Lamborghini Egoista Concept at the Lamborghini Museum in Sant'Agata Bolognese, Italy
(Taken on August 20, 2015)

Hood Ornaments Part 2

From the earliest days of the automobile, the hoods of many cars, especially luxurious models, were adorned with exquisite figurines. Hood ornaments are now largely a thing of the past, and several months ago I wrote a post celebrating this lost art. Today I bring you four more beautiful hood decorations.

2013 Mercedes-Benz S-Class in Key West, FL

While simple, the Mercedes-Benz hood ornament has turned the logo into a icon. This example is seen on the bonnet of a 2013 S-Class sedan, and while the ornament is just the Merc emblem atop a small column, it screams luxury and authority. This legendary logo is now only found atop the flagship S-Class sedan. 

1931 Bugatti Type 41 Royale at the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, MI

The Bugatti Type 41 Royale debuted just as the Great Depression sent the world into financial ruin. Therefore, its already exclusive run of 25 units was cut to just six, and only three examples made it into the hands of owners. One of the three sold currently resides at the Henry Ford Museum, and it only makes sense that such a special car has such an unusual and intricate hood ornament. The grille of the Royale is topped with a elephant standing on its hind legs, trunk raised triumphantly in the air. This sends off an image of rarity and opulence, as well as power. This is one of the most unique and ornate hood ornaments of all time.

1935 Miller-Ford Indy 500 racer at the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, MI

Surprisingly, back in the 1930's even Indy 500 competitors had hood ornaments. Unfortunately this Miller-Ford never ended up being raced at Indianapolis, despite the team's best efforts. However, it does feature an elegant version of Ford's 1930's V8 hood ornament. I've always liked the way Ford sandwiched the 8 between the arms of the V, and the wing flowing backwards conveys a sense of speed--perfect for a race car.

Jaguar S-Type in Key West, FL

Another one of the most recognizable hood ornaments are perched on the hoods of Jaguars. Seen here on a S-Type, the jaguar is springing forward, its muscular haunches and lean physique bristling with energy. With a ferocious scowl and piercing eyes the predator strikes fear in the hearts of surrounding drivers.

An Observation on the Jeep Wrangler

Recently I got a ride in my co-worker's 2008 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited, my first time in the legendary offroader. Considering how many I see roaming American streets and the generally positive reviews I often read in magazines, I was expecting an enjoyable ride. Sadly, what I discovered is that the Wrangler is not a very good car.

I know this may be a controversial opinion. And in no way am I claiming that it is an incapable trail specialist. We never left pavement but I trust that it is more than competent off the beaten path. However, on the road the ride is rough and the chassis communicated all of the bumps very clearly. There was also lots of body roll, due to the tall ride height.

The interior was also inferior. Because the doors and roof are removable, they are essentially just a sheet of metal and feel and look very cheap from the inside. Furthermore, the window controls are on the central console for the front seats and the overhead support bar for the rear seats. Not only do these switches feel flimsy, but they clog up the central stack up front and are difficult to reach in the back. The seats were a bit hard and flat, and overall the materials on the dashboard did not feel up to par.

But while I was observing all of these faults, I also came to a realization. I realized that I didn't care that I could feel every jarring bump through the hard seats, that the doors were essentially sheetmetal and didn't feel very safe, that the dashboard cluster was a bit chaotic. I realized why so far this year it is the 9th best selling SUV in America. Despite all of these issues, I felt extremely badass. The ride height and the iconic looks and the removable doors and roof all made me feel 100 times cooler than the surrounding drivers. Most Wrangler customers won't take it offroad, but they want to be able to say they can. It is a car that is bought off of image. It is a confidence-boosting slice of Americana.

And that's what makes it so great.

Car Lyric of the Week: I Still Wanna by Pusha T

"Learn from OGs, Alfa Romeos, and Sterlings"

Most rappers boast about their Lamborghinis or Mercedes-Benzes. But in this gritty banger from Virginia MC Pusha T, he harkens back to the cars that the hustlers used in the early 1990s. Alfa Romeos were last sold in the USA in 1995, and occasionally I'll spot a old sedan on the street. Alfa Romeo is a well-known brand, but unless you were alive two decades ago, you probably don't remember Sterling. The company, a division of Rover which was collaborating with Honda at the time, sold only one model--the 800-Series (a rebadged Rover that was related to the Honda Legend)--from 1987-1991. I had actually never heard of this vehicle until I stumbled upon a photo in the Chicago Auto Show archives last year. It is quite a mundane sedan, but still a interesting mention by Pusha T.

Artistic Photo #9

Ford Thunderbird in Brooklyn, New York (Taken on September 28, 2015)

Porsche 911 GT3RS

Park Slope, in Brooklyn, NY, is a very nice neighborhood, and I am very fortunate to have grown up there. However, it is in no way a good supercar spotting area; most parking spots are filled with beat-up first generation Subaru Foresters or fifth generation Volkswagen Passats. So when I turned the corner on my way home and found this deep purple Porsche 911 GT3 RS parked on my street I began to hyperventilate from excitement. I rushed inside and frantically grabbed my camera because this low-to-ground, mean-looking track machine is by far the coolest car to grace the crumbling streets of 16th Street.

Each new generation of the 911 is an evolution of the previous model--it retains the classic semi-circle shape but has the individual design elements, the lights and grilles, are up to modern standards. The 991, which debuted in 2012, continued this pattern, with slight changes from the 997 that preceded it. The headlights featured xenon units instead of basic halogen units, LED fog lamps, slimmer taillights, and a more intricate lower front fascia. There is a reason why Porsche does not give the 911 drastically overhauls. It is one of the most beautiful car shapes of all time, and while the periodical updates to the design are not very exciting, every generation of the 911 has retained the attractive proportions of the original.

This 911, the GT3 RS, can't be categorized as beautiful. The swooping 911 curves are still there, but the myriad of blacked-out and trim pieces and vents lend this performance-focused Porsche an aggressive aura. The wide rectangular vent flanked by square intakes pushed out as far as possible dominate the lower front fascia and make the GT3 RS look lower and wider than the other 911 models. A thin U-shaped vent at the base of the hood accentuates the performance image. The black plastic splitter sticks out from under the toned bodywork, making the 911 look powerful. The Porsche logo, however, is simply a sticker, which feels and looks cheap.

Massive 21 inch, 5-spoke, silver wheels fill the hubcaps, enhancing the low-to-the-ground, dynamic stance. Yellow brake calipers peek out from behind the spokes, suggesting intense performance. GT3 RS branding plasters the front fend, just above the black plastic sill. However, make makes the side of this 911 particularly distinguishable and particularly attractive are the two massive vents. Starting above the front wheel and extending down the front fender, a vent shaped like a sideways ladle composed of wide black slats cools the brakes while giving the 911 an athletic vibe. Just behind the door handle, the circular air intake, also found on the Turbo model, sucks in air for the flat six engine housed in the rear and gives the 911 brawny haunches.

A massive, brutally beautiful, black and purple wing soars above the rear deck, hoisted by spindling silver supports. Combined with the lip spoiler beneath it, the Porsche 911 GT3 RS has a lot of downforce and a lot of attitude. The black plastic engine cover looks a bit cheap, but still contrasts nicely with the main paint color, like the "Ultraviolet" here. Boomerang-shaped vents rise out of the black lower rear fascia, while houses two muscular exhaust pipes. Overall, the 911 GT3 RS is one of the most butch, badass cars on the road.

Grade
Front: A
Rear: A
Overall: A

Car Lyric of the Week: Sweatpants by Childish Gambino

"Ain’t nobody sicker and my Fisker vroom vroom, ho

Ain’t nobody—(Fiskers don’t make noise when they start up, just so you know)"

In the second verse of his head-bumping track from his sophomore effort "Because the Internet," actor Donald Glover, who goes by the stage name of Childish Gambino, spits about Fisker, a failed start-up car company. The company, which produced the Karma, an electric luxury sedan designed by famed Henrik Fisker, went bankrupt in 2014 before it could release a wagon called the Surf and a smaller, cheaper sedan dubbed the Atlantic. The company was bought by a Chinese conglomerate and is attempting a comeback this year under the name Karma Automotive. Gambino claims that his Fisker is going "vroom vroom," before correcting himself by explaining that the electric engine would not make that noise. This parody of the classic bravado rap tradition of bragging about one's car is just one example of Gambino's quirky, unorthodox style. However, if he did want a Fisker that went "vroom vroom," he could purchase a VLF Destino, which is a heavily adapted Karma. VLF is a company started by former GM chairman Bob Lutz, and the Destino uses the V8 from the Corvette and rear wheel drive to propel itself to 60 mph in a claimed 3.9 seconds.

Mini Clubman

Clubman at 2016 NYIAS

     For the 2014 model year, Mini unveiled a new generation of its iconic Cooper hatchback with a new, bloated design language. In 2015, the new look spread to the Clubman, a slightly longer variant of the Mini hatchback. This revamp has resulted is an relatively attractive wagon, although its is less unique than its predecessor.

     The front fascia is a bit polarizing. Bulging, oval headlights with LEDs lining the inside are surrounded in chrome, with looks a little too gaudy. However, the headlamp units themselves are modern and clean. The bulbous grille, half mesh design and half piano black surfacing, is far too big and makes the Clubman look like it has a giant gaping mouth. Despite this, the vents on the lower front fascia and the hoop scoop make the Mini look aggressive and makes up for the oversized grille.

     On the side of the Clubman, black plastic cladding around the wheel wells and on the sill add an off-roading attitude, and the blacked-out roof and pillars emphasize the assertive appearance started on the front fascia. The previous generation Clubman featured a suicide rear door on the right side only, creating a quirky three-door setup similar to the Hyundai Veloster. The new car does away with this, instead getting normal rear doors on both sides. While it may be more practical, the new Clubman has less character than its predecessor.

Clubman at 2016 NYIAS

     Horizontal taillights, chrome door handles, and rectangular running lights below that accentuate the wide rear end. The back of the Mini also features barn doors, which open outwards in opposite directions, an unorthodox design cue that carried over from the previous generation and makes the Clubman stand out in a crowd. The chrome surrounding the detailed taillights looks tacky and could be done without. Vents on the lower rear fascia mirror those on the front, and combined with the two chrome-tipped exhaust pipes, adds an aura of performance to the Clubman. Overall, the Clubman remains a handsome, unique compact wagon.

Grade
Front: B
Back: A
Overall: B+

Artistic Photo #8

Chevy Camaro Z28 in Key West, Florida (Taken on February 16, 2016)

McLaren 650S Spider

650S Spider speeding away in Soho

In 1988, Ayrton Senna and Alain Prost demolished the rest of the field in their white and red MP4/4 Formula One cars. Meanwhile, their team was making a historic decision: to expand into the road car business. The stunning McLaren F1 was unveiled a few years later, and the supercar went on to set a record for the fastest production car. Just over a decade after the F1 went out of production, McLaren returned to the sports car business, introducing the MP4-12C. I have seen a few 12C's on the street, but up until recently I had yet to see its successor, the 650S, in the wild. I had gotten a look at the sexy 650S at the New York Auto Show, under the gleaming lights of the Javits Center, but a few weeks ago I spotted the low-slung sports car on the streets of Soho. Getting to lay my eyes on the slinky 650S in natural light convinced me that the McLaren is truly a beautiful design.

650S Spider at 2015 NYIAS

The front end of the 650S echoes its big brother, the hybrid P1 which was unveiled about a year before the 650S. This means the 650S gained the boomerang headlights, which are reminiscent of the McLaren logo. The 650S also featured air vents curving downwards towards the carbon fiber front splitter, which resemble tears streaming down cheeks. These black extensions also remind me of the trim pieces that extend down on the Opel Zafira Tourer and Opel Ampera. Like on the Opels, these vents make the front end of the 650S very dynamic--it almost appears like the bottom of the vents are tethered to the splitter and the rest is being blown away as the McLaren accelerates. This gives the car a sense of movement even when it is standing absolutely still. The intakes are also excellently integrated into the headlights, curving around with the modern LED lights to form a smaller boomerang. There is one aesthetic design flaw on the front of the 650S. If you look closely, you can see that where the vents meets the headlights, it becomes solid plastic, simply giving off the image of still being a true intake. While seeing a faux vent on a $15,000 Honda Fit seems reasonable, I was surprised to see the visual trickery appear on a $260,000 supercar. From afar it is difficult to notice, but from ten feet away the cheap-looking design choice becomes obvious and looks out of place on the sports coupe. Luckily, McLaren makes up for this flaw with copious amounts of exposed carbon fiber, which highlights the lightweight, high performance nature of the 650S.

650S Spider in Soho

The wheel arches powerfully curve over the front tires, flowing into the cabin. Lean, taught character lines run down the side of the 650S. A carbon fiber sill extends backwards from the front fender, giving the McLaren an aggressive stance. Massive five-spoke wheel designs accentuate the bold, muscular look. Carbon fiber reappears on the spindly side view mirrors and the large intake just in front of the rear wheels. The intake is functional, providing cool air for the engine, but also makes the car look like a true supercar.

650S Spider at 2015 NYIAS

Out back, the 650S is practically identical to its predecessor, but this is certainly no bad thing. The taillights are composed of thin LED strips that are hidden in the vent that spans across the rear fascia. These stealthy lights are elegantly simplistic, and look menacing when lit up at night. The sporty McLaren's functional design exudes performance, from the gigantic carbon fiber rear diffuser that sweeps downwards from the vent to the bulky dual exhaust pipes flanking the McLaren logo dead center. The rear fascia is topped of with McLaren's Airbrake, the adjustable wing bridging the gap between the raised rear haunches. This convenient bit of active aero raises up to 69 degrees under hard braking to provide extra downforce. When raised, the Airbrake makes the McLaren look like it's in attack mode, and the wing adds to the sports car's dynamism. Overall, the McLaren simply looks fast, with a swept back front fascia, athletic carbon fiber elements, and vents on nearly every surface.

Grade:
Front: A
Back: A
Overall: A