10 Worst Current Car Model Names

A little while ago, I covered my top ten favorite car model names, and now it's time to look at the worst ten of the current crop of vehicles. Note that this is only for the United States market, which excludes all of the absurd names from Japan-only cars, like the Nissan Homy Super Long. This also leaves out the European markets, but in the future I will do a top ten list that covers those vehicles. Without further ado, here are the worst ten current model names:

10. Toyota Yaris

Toyota Yaris at the 2015 NYIAS

The unusual name Yaris is derived from the singular form of "Charites," the Greek goddesses of charm and beauty. All three generations of the Yaris (sold as the Echo in the US in its first iteration) have been neither beautiful nor charming, instead being bland and forgettable. I guess Toyota thinks too highly of its designers, because the name Yaris simply doesn't fit.

9. Volkswagen Tiguan

VW Tiguan GTE Active Concept at the 2016 NYIAS

Tiguan sounds weird, but it gets even stranger once you know where the name comes from. Supposedly, Tiguan is a portmanteau of the German words for Tiger ("tiger") and iguana ("leguan"). I am not sure how tigers and iguanas are related, and what either animal has to do with a German compact crossover. This combination is odd and very contrived.

8. Buick LaCrosse

Buick LaCrosse at the 2016 NYIAS

I always assumed that the LaCrosse was named for something other than the sport, but believe it or not, it is. Why a sensible premium sedan is named for an often violent, fast-paced sport is beyond me, but what I also dislike about this name is the way GM decided to spell it out. Last I checked, lacrosse did not have a uppercase "C," so this capitalization feels totally unnecessary.

7. Mitsubishi Mirage

Mistubishi Mirage at the 2016 NYIAS

Mirage is a fun word to say since the "aaj" sound rolls off the tongue well, but the definition makes customers second-guess the hatchback's abilities. The official definition according to Merriam-Webster is "something that you hope for or want but is not possible or real." Considering that Mistubishi's fuel economy numbers have been a mirage for many Japanese customers since 2002, this is not a moniker that establishes confidence in the customer.

6. Hyundai Veloster

Hyundai Veloster at the 2014 NYIAS

According to Hyundai, Veloster is a combination of "velocity" and "roadster." The first thing that is obviously wrong with the name is that the Veloster is not a roadster, but a hatchback. The "velocity" part is also misleading--the base comes with a paltry 132 hp (adding a turbo gets the inline-4 to 201 hp), and the zero to sixty times never breach the 6.8 second mark. While the name is not in any way applicable to the hatch, my biggest issue with it is that the word simply sounds childish.

5. Maserati Ghibli

Maserati Ghibli at the 2016 NYIAS

Yes, I know the Ghibli name hearkens back to 1960's grand tourer, but still the name sounds really odd to me. The combination of i's and l's does not communicate luxury or sportiness to my ears--instead I picture a small Japanese kei car. Perhaps it is that Ghibli makes me think of the comedic dwarf character Gimli from the Lord of the Rings franchise, but this does not feel like an appropriate name for a luxury sedan.

4. Mercedes-Benz Metris

Mercedes-Benz Metris at the 2015 NYIAS

I love vans, and I welcome any new entry to the American van market, but the name Mercedes chose for their newest small van confuses me. I haven't been able to find a meaning behind it, and whenever I read or say it I think of Tetris, the famous tile-matching puzzle video game.

3. Jaguar F-Pace

Jaguar F-Pace at the 2016 NYIAS

Admit it. F-Pace does not sound smooth, despite the SUV's sleek bodywork. The name does not follow Jaguar's current naming scheme, an X followed by another letter (XE, XF, XJ). By starting the name with an F, it inherently sounds like a vulgar insult. Overall, the name is not dynamic and does not conjure up images of speed or luxury.

2. Ferrari LaFerrari

Ferrari LaFerrari at the Ferrari Museum in Modena

Oh no! A Ferrari on a "worst of" list! What a sacrilege! The LaFerrari is certainly an automotive spectacle, both for its beauty and insane performance, but the name is completely lazy. It translates as "Ferrari TheFerrari," and the repetition does not sound as sexy as the supercar looks. It is easy to overlook such a bad name when the styling is so stunning and the performance is so dazzling, but when it comes down to it, LaFerrari is a disappointing name.

1. Bentley Bentayga

Bentley Bentayga at the 2016 NYIAS

Bentley's first foray into the SUV segment also has a repetitive name. The name supposedly comes from a mix of the company's name and Taiga, the world's largest transcontinental snow forest, while also being inspired by the Roque Bentayga, a peak in the Canary Islands. The name Taiga is intriguing and exotic, and would have worked great. However, by incorporating the "Bent," the name sounds repetitive and doesn't fit with the staid, luxurious presence of Bentleys. 

1984 Ferrari Testarossa

The Testarossa is one of Ferrari's most iconic sports cars and one of Pininfarina's best designs. Large posters featuring this flashy coupe covered teenagers' bedroom walls throughout the 1980s and 1990s. The Testarossa has always been one of my favorite cars, even though I had never seen one until this summer. However, while visiting Modena, Italy I had the chance to spend many many hours drooling over the beauties at the local car museums, including the Museo Enzo Ferrari which has this gorgeous red Testarossa in its collection. (Testarossa means "red head" in Italian, and while it refers to the paint on the cylinder heads in the engine, red is certainly a fitting hue for the car.) The next few paragraphs will just be me praising the Testarossa nonstop, so I completely understand if you want to just stare at the photos instead. Anyway, here I go:

The Testarossa is remarkably aerodynamic—its drag coefficient of .36 beat the Lamborghini Countach's .42, and the Countach looks extremely slippery itself. This drag coefficient translates into a curvier variation of the wedge designs of the 1970s, with a dramatically sloped hood stretching back to a low-to-the-ground cabin. Hidden headlights add to the smooth, sexy front end. The thin, rectangular lower grille and running lights emphasizes the wide, athletic stance that makes the Testarossa stand out. The narrow vent just in front of the windshield further accentuates the car's width, and hints at the 390 hp V12 beast lurking behind the cabin that propelled it to 60 mph in 5.3 seconds.

The side view of the Testarossa is dominated by striking side strakes, which cool the engine. The length and horizontal nature of the strakes make the car appear longer and lower, and therefore much faster. They also make the Testarossa instantly recognizable. Above the strakes broad haunches emerge, making the Ferrari look as if it is on the verge of leaping forward even when it is at rest.

The rear fascia expands upon the design of the side strakes. Five thin, black, metal bars stretch from end to end, caging in the taillights and rectangular grille. This highlights the Testarossa's width and causes the Ferrari to look like it is hugging the road. Two sets of dual-exhaust pipes stresses the sports car's performance credentials. The buttresses extend from the roof, causing a smooth, sloping silhouette. The Testarossa is without a doubt one of Pinifarina's masterpieces, and one of the most beautiful Ferraris of all time.

Grade
Front: A
Back: A
Overall: A

Nissan Elgrand

My two week Italian vacation had been building up to one day in Modena. Modena, Italy is home to the Museo Enzo Ferrari, two buildings worth of dazzling sheetmetal originally penned by the best designers at Pininfarina. About half an hour away is Ferrari's headquarters and another museum, this time full of triumphant Formula One race cars. Also nearby is the home base of Lamborghini, and a collection of sharp-edged supercars with big V10 engines. However, the first car I saw that day when I stepped foot outside the hotel was not a slinky Ferrari or a wedge-shaped Lambo, but this unusual hunk of metal: the Nissan Elgrand.

Triangular element protruding from
hood of Cadillac Eldorado

Like most Japanese market minivans, the front fascia is high, the hood is short, and there is an overall boxy shape to maximize interior space. The blocky headlights are split into two segments—a thin rectangle and a chunkier trapezoid. The two piece headlight look rarely creates a handsome vehicle (see the controversial Nissan Juke and Jeep Cherokee for examples), and in this case it gives the van an unusual extraterrestrial look. The split grille also looks weird, making the front fascia appear disjointed, and should have been replaced with a bold, solid square grille. However, the worst part of the Elgrand's front are the triangular turning lights protruding from the hood. While this design element was appropriate on the chrome-laden, elegant '50s Cadillacs, it looks out of place on this awkward eyesore.

The Elgrand gets even weirder once you take a look at the side of the boxy body. An unattractive, overly deep crease extends from the front fender back to the rear of the Nissan. Another character line starts just behind the headlights and flows into the side view mirrors. This deep line distinctly separates the top of the car leading into the mirror from the rest of the side, making the side view mirror look like a hand on the end of a metal arm. The rest of the Elgrand's profile view is dominated by large rectangular windows, and a rear sliding door operated by dull body-color handles.

Around back, the Nissan continues its unusual ways. Beneath the massive almost-wrap-around rear window is a thin, full-width taillight with a chrome "Elgrand" tacked on in the center. While the taillight itself is distinctive and attractive, the model branding appears out of place above the Nissan logo. The strong character line from the side continues onto the back creating an odd divide on the rear fascia. Beneath the canyon-like indentation are reverse lights, which are set back in the body work and pushed all the way to the edge of the vehicle. This creates a vast amount of blank space surrounding the license plate, making the rear fascia of the Elgrand look unfinished. With an alien-like face, an over-detailed front fender, and an empty rear end, the Nissan Elgrand is one of the most repulsive vehicles I have ever seen.

Grade
Front: F
Back: C+
Overall: F